This is the last 3 weeks of being a McCook

What I mean is that I'm getting married is just over 3 weeks. Then I'll be a Kroll. I think it's interesting that my name is going to change. I also find it interesting that I'm going to spend the rest of my life with someone. The reason I use the word interesting is because it sounds better than scary or weird. I'm really excited to know that Ben and I are in this together, for the rest of our lives. Maybe it's because my parents are divorced or because I know a lot of people who are divorced. Or maybe it's because I'm worried he won't love me in 60 years. Either way, interesting is a better way of describing it. Don't you think?

As much as I know divorcees I also know lots of married folk - happily married folk. They are quick to tell us how great it is without leaving out the fact that it's work. I can see that. But it's also work to be single. I remember wondering who HE is, where HE is, when will HE show up. Well, HE is Ben and he showed up right when I expected - or wanted - it the least. (I had changed everything in my life just a few months before we started dating.) And I couldn't be happier with the results.

Ben is everything I thought he would be and way, way more. He makes me laugh when I need it and laughs at me when I need it too. He listens to me when I'm crying and makes suggestions on different things. He's patient and kind to everyone. And he has an amazing knack for picking out the best cards. I'm still trying to learn his secret. I had literally made a list of who I was looking for and after we were engaged I found it. The only thing that he didn't match up on is that he doesn't like video games, but he likes to hang out with me while I play them, so what more can a girl ask for?

As I type this I realize more and more how truly excited I am to become a Kroll. It's a new chapter in this book and I can't wait to see how it pans out...

This is My Monday.

I understand that some people work normal hours and get paid by normal people for doing normal work. I do not. When I did do that last, I wasn't very into it. I didn't like sitting at my normal desk or in normal rush hour traffic. Either way - This is My Monday.

I was just browsing through my Google Reader and stumbled upon the JK Wedding video again. I really love the whole thing and just thinking about it makes me tear up. I think it's a strange reaction to watching a precessional, but my wedding is in less than 5 weeks, so I get a little choked up by it.

I think I have the words to put on how it makes me feel. Those words came from Ali Edward's blog who saw it on Brene Brown's blog. I hope you're following this. Brene found the words I've been lacking to describe that video -

To choose joy over the fear and vulnerability of being different or weird or ridiculed is a tremendous act of courage - one that touches all of us.

What!?! Awesome, I know! It's amazing the inspiration that's out there when I'm looking for it or the feel goods that show up at the exact right moment.

My wedding is right around the corner. I mean scary soon and I'm having quite a few feelings every minute. I'm feeling excited, nervous, vulnerable, anxious, afraid, insanely happy, crazy in love with the Soon-to-Be Mr., stressed, worried, thrilled, and a bunch more feelings that I can't describe any better right now.

But I'll tell you what, I really want to live the way the Brene described. I want to continue to choose Joy over fear. I've done a decent job of that throughout the wedding planning process. I've continuously asked myself why I'm doing certain things and if I'm okay with it. The problem that I run into is that I want to make sure that people are happy. I want to present myself as "All together" and "I don't need anything, I'm fine". It's not that I need help, I don't know what anyone could even help me with, it's that I don't want to say that I'm scared or feeling overwhelmed. I don't like it when I've come up with a plan and it's messed with. I'm having a hard time with it today. There are a lot of people coming to the wedding. There are a lot of people looking to me for what to do next. That's fine, but it just scares me a little bit. I think all of this is reasonable.

It's just a matter of responding from a place of Joy. That I can do on this lovely afternoon. I can enjoy myself and all of the pressure that comes along with the wedding. The wedding will come off without a hitch (or at least a hitch that matters) and I will be married to the man of my dreams. Can't wait!

Happy Monday, by the way!